What is this feeling?

assalamualaikum

below is my reaction:

is that...? okay pretty lame. 

Since the storm strike my boat during my navigation,

I get a disease called traumatize.

I can't feel the warm of love of a man.

There's oneday, when I and Ateh, one of my roomate sit together,

just the two of us, early in the morning about 2-3 am,

She already have a bf and she admire someone else.

She is no player just joking. Every girls like that, they fall for someone but still

admire people that is good looking such as Freddie Stroma. He's hot.

o-kay, we talked about the boy she admire what she see in him and I ask her,

"ateh dengan z***r macam mana boleh together?"

then yada yada yada yada she reminiscing her moment with her bf because I ask her.

Then, she asked me,

"hanim kenapa single lagi"

Heh, predictable question. I knew she would asked me.

Then i tell her. But it is so many reason so I just tell her what past through my mind that day.

Reasons why i am single:

1. Want to be in love because of Him (cewah..).

2. I don't even think that I want to be in a relationship right now.

3. I don't fall in love with anyone. I just felt the warm of love only with my family and friends.

4. I have a lot male friends and they treat me well. Y'know when your bf doesn't understand and gets jealous, freak me out to imagine what happen and so better be single.

5. I have a problem where I hate going out alone, with the opposite gender. Awkward. 

6. Mama said don't find someone else yet because she's not ready to be mother-in-law (Don't worry ma).

7. From the bottom of my heart, I don't find it important.

8. I want to be independent. Some man doesn't so into independent girl 'cause they feel not important. The heck that attitude. we live in 21st Century.

9. Want to travel oversea with my girlfriends and cousins. Having a bf is such a distraction.

10. Don't want to get hurt.

This are the main reasons why. The last one is a questionable right?

I've had seen so many people that face a broken heart and they end up do unhealthy thing.

I don't want to be like that. A crop that live pathetically. No way.

I love myself so much and I already feel a lot of pain, I even get stitches at my forehead.

okay that is my fault but it's hurt. So it is a no no.

The future me will think about it after I'm turning 25.

thank you.