crush

To get over with your broken heart, find new love.

Closed the old journal and open a new one.

I think I've got a little crush on you

Just by thinking about you makes me smile for one whole day

be a little close to you

stand beside you

sit in front of you

makes my heart fluttered a little

when we talked and our eyes met,

you look directly into my eyes,

I can't help but advert my eyes because that's

so embarrassing !

It just in my nature that I couldn't talk to man eyes-to-eyes

I rather look at you just for a second and looked away

(to avoid people say I'm rude)

and like usual I always feel happy with every little thing you do

yet I keep it all just to myself

I know how to like someone but I don't know

how to get someone to like me back

JODOH perlu dicari

takkan datang bergolek

I know 

but I am seriously clueless how to convey my feelings

and at the end I'm the one getting hurt 

LOL

Dear mister crush, since I don't know how to get your love interest,

hence, I pray to Him to put you in 

golongan yang beriman beramal soleh and to open up your heart

to see me, to notice me, and to have the same feeling towards me.

is it bad to ask for something like this?

It never gonna be real

When you finally realize your feeling and it's already too late,

THAT'S SUCKS

I tell you.

Falling in love is not an option.

You can't control with whom you fall in love.

When it happen. It happen.

I can't even say I love you towards him.

Heh, never mind with love,

I can't even say that I like him as a woman to a man at all.

In this world,

there're rules where if you didn't say it, you'll regret it later

and also, if you say it, you'll regret it.

Such contradicting-stupid-yet-true rules !

my case? It is the later one.

I want to say it because I don't know what he is thinking about me

and I don't want to regret for not being honest with myself

YET

if I insist on telling him, the probability I ruin our friendship is like 100%

which is a 

TOTAL DISASTER !

Well actually, I already get the answer even tho I didn't ask him.

I will never be a thing to him.

I might be a good friend for him but

never good enough to be his girl.

Knowing the truth is bitter. This is what people called,

the ugly-truth.

It never gonna be real between us.

That fact will never changes and learning that fact really hurts me.

I can pretend that "Oh, I'm so over him".

"No, I don't think I can accept him after learning the truth"

but deep deep deep in my heart,

It takes time to move on. It is not easy to get over someone

especially one that you hold very dear.

It reminds me of secret love song lyrics,

"why can't I say that I'm in love?, I wanna shout it from the rooftop.."

Whatever it is,

it's already too late.

Who would have known he once had a feeling towards me,

and that time my best friend was in love with him,

and I am in love with someone else,

and who would have thought that,

years later, he is in love with someone else,

my best friend who once liked him, already engaged,

and I am in love with him.

What a complicated fate.

This is what you called,

we never meant to be in the first place and will never be.

Since, he is someone that is very dear to me,

I want him to be happy with whoever he choose to be,

he is after all my best friend too.

Hey bro, Let's fate fares you. 

Be happy

so I won't regret buried this secret love.

I'll move forward.

I can do it because I am that kind of person,

If I decide on something, I will do it til the end.

P.S. Won't ever write my feelings towards him ever again.

This is the last one.

I'll be moving on.

Can't believe it !

Assalamualaikum

No wayyyyyyyyyyyy

whaaaat ?

Oh my god, I can't believe it but it really happen !

___________________________________________________________________

Let's go back to  1 weeks ago

I texted my best friend, shue to told her that I'd changed my phone number

and we chat a lil bit and she told me that she's in a big mess

so many works to do and she's just literally exhausted

and after that she told me that she's getting engaged soon on 20th .

Well, in my head, I was like.........

engaged . on 20th . 20th of ???

(I happened to think it very fast and the bulb just Tiiiinggg! )

Whooooah !!!

what ??!!!

I asked her when and it is actually on 20th of February !!

GOOD NEWS !!!

I am so happy for her. 

I still can't believe it because she's so adorable, so dear to me.

out of my best friends's list, 

she's the ONLY dramatic best friend I ever have. Drama queen lady.

Congratulations my princess snow white !!

Awww you're so lucky for getting engaged with your prince.

May you always surrounded with The Almighty blessing, happiness, love & laughter.

I really want to see you in your wedding dress during the solemnization day.

I remember that ....

you told me you don't know if this is the right decision or not

and you worried about what comes ahead in the future

and you anxious where this will lead your life later,

BUT

Don't worry sweetheart.

You love him and he love you.

That is why he asked you to be his future wife (soon)

I and all of us that love you so much will pray for your happiness.

Making a decision to be with someone we truly love is not a bad decision.

It is prove how much he can accept for who you are.

It is not something regrettable and  in fact,

you can use it as an encouragement in your life.

Yes, we don't know what may happen afterwards.

You need to use this chance to move forward,

it is one step into being an adult 

(you'll forever young at heart so worry not LOL)

Pray for the best.

I told you before, whatever happen, I am your best friend.

I may not always be around near you,

but you can count on me,

I'll listen to you.

I may not good with words. Not good in giving an advice too

but I am a very good listener.

I'll try to be there when you need me the most.

Because that is how a friend should do, right ?

Again, congratulation. 

Love, your best friend __I