Its for the best...

Sometimes you should know when to give up

I HATE THE SITUATION I AM IN !!

I'm not so complicated and most of people can see right trough me.

Transparent.

I don't care if my fav girlfriends know about it.

Because no matter how hard I try to hide it, they know.

But......

He is the last person on earth that I don't want him to know.

Never. I would never able to face him.

That is why I don't like me being transparent.

It's no good.

I don't want him find me as a troublesome person.

I don't want him ignore me or think of me as a nuisance.

I don't want he walk away from my life because 

I know that I won't find someone

who can patiently listen to my rant, laughing at my clumsiness, and

sharing with me new movies.

Sometimes you know what you don't know.

I don't want to admit that but I actually 

FEEL IT !

AND I HATE IT FOR FEEL LIKE THIS!

At first, I really don't think of anything. Not in the slightest cross in my mind

abut him and his treatment towards me.

Until that night !!! 

That night was the triggers to this situation.

the night where he suddenly ride his vespa and follow my pace to send me to hostel.

Honestly,

won't you find its weird when your good friend who never see you as a girl for 4 years,

suddenly doing something OUTRAGEOUS like that.

Since then the event keep playing in my head

and can't keep it alone so I confess it to miss ochibi and she's not helping.

She's giving me a weird sneaky smile.

Since then he stuck in my head. There's only one solution to this problem.

Forget.

you know, I hold onto this famous motto

FAKE IT, TIL YOU MAKE IT !

I know for the best of me, 

I better pretend like nothing happen,

pretend that everything is normal.

pretend that I am normal

pretend all of it didn't mean anything to me

pretend that it just a phase of growing up

pretend that if he know about it, it just his imagination

I need to keep on pretend, keep my self in denial, keep my self busy,

so that I can forget this feeling and stay as a good friend.

why?

Because if he find out about it, its over. My relationship. 

Our friendship would be over. He definitely won't talk to me

or he talk but his manner will be different.

Because no matter what he do, everything clearly out of his kindness.

He got so many girl friends and probably do the same thing to them.

I am so sure about it that he does not into me.

He only find me when he wants to kill time.

He rarely text me to ask if I am okay.

He so busy with his life and his hiking friends so he does not need me.

He is doing just fine without me.

I'm being logical. Not negative.

It would not work out. Trust me.

Yeah my love always ends in silence.

Never ending curse.

And it is always me who fall in love first. So unfair!

So forgetting, buried this feeling is for the best.

I don't want the same thing happen to me again.

The scar is still there. I am afraid to love someone

Kind of tragic right? This is he truth about my feeling that I never told anyone.